On Ambition: Being, Becoming, and Doing
I had a burning ambition to be an Erasmus Mundus scholar. My laser focus aimed at 2021 as the year of receiving the prestigious acceptance letter. I should obtain it by the age of 25 years old: that is how my prideful assiduousness wanted to take the spotlight.
There is only a 3% chance of being accepted. Receiving a rejection email is faced by many, so it would have been a slightly consoling result; however, being on the Reserve List would be plain heartbreaking. Only two scholars can be selected in the Philippines. I ranked third.
But moving on is the only option – ha!
My takeaway: To be, or not to be: that is NOT the question when it comes to ambition.
My ego was crushed. I mulled over the weaknesses of my application for months. I was 100% sure of what I wanted, but I still do not deserve it.
In retrospect, I was too hard on myself, but I am now commiserating with her (my past self) over the defeat.
A distorted idea of ambition could really make one's worth be questioned.
Nonetheless, this heartbreak contributed to my profound understanding of these three concepts:
1. Being – who one truly is
2. Becoming – who one ought to be
3. Doing – what actions must be done
A copycat is a master of being becoming. He/she exists to copy what others are. There is a false mask: the worth of his/her existence is justified through imitation. Actual original actions are not needed, because the requisites were already fulfilled by those who came before.
On the other hand, a people pleaser is not any wiser than a copycat but is more diligent. He/she has a limiting belief that an existing blueprint must strictly be followed. Doing is anchored to fulfill the dream of becoming like those who came before.
However, a sincere dreamer truly understands the uniqueness of one's own being. He/she is a courageous innovator who knows that his/her existence cannot be defined and justified by anyone. New ways of doing are opened to obtain a sincere dream that those who came before did not realize or could not even imagine.
In this goal of mine to be an Erasmus scholar, I realized that I was not being true to my dream. I was just focused on fortifying my ego through becoming a Master's student. I was not creative: I kept on doing what is already established for a favorable reputation.
To be truly deserving, I should relinquish my ego. I can still try to apply for the scholarship, but it must not be the end goal. It is just one of the ways to achieve the true dream.
I do not want to be to become somebody.
I do not want to become somebody, and do something.
I want to be me, and do something.
That is my real burning ambition.
