I take a photo, therefore I am.
Whenever I take a photo, who am I is inextricably intertwined with where am I, and with when am I.
I am both where I am, and where I am not; I am also both at a time when I exist, and when I do not.
I shall capture gingerly: I may escape a moment, or I may liberate myself to be in the moment.
There are two versions of myself.
The first persona holds the camera. It can be described as a noun: it is Being. It just lives. It does not have to prove anything to matter. It cannot pursue happiness; it is contented with everything as is. There is pure effortless bliss in the moment – simply resting in the fact of being alive to experience. I am where I am, and I am when I exist.
The other captures the shot. It can be described as a verb: it is Doing. It constantly acts. It pushes purpose by recording everything that matters. It gives happiness a permanent form; it is passionate with making everything stay as is. There is a diligent effort to immortalize a moment – always justifying the act of living in every experience. I am extending to where I am not, and to when I no longer exist.
There is an ineluctable tug of war between the Being and Doing personas. Shall I live or be immortalized? Shall I exist or prove my existence? Shall I surrender to the now or cling to forever? Shall I experience or remember? Shall I let go or hold on?
Failure to reconcile the two would mean to take the camera for granted and to just capture relentlessly. The resulting photos would be discombobulating; it would be hard to distinguish which is the real and fabricated.
A photo not experienced is a poor imitation of a moment.
It is impossible to genuinely capture a moment that is not fully lived in the present.
Most of the photography junkies fell in love with the art because of the camera's power to transcend time and space. It is riveting to create a future where one's existence is justified through a manipulated recording of an experience. A moment framed in a photo can be passed down for posterity as the passage of time continues mercilessly.
However, my fondness for photography goes the other way around. I fell in love with the art because of the camera's power to serve as my third eye. It is liberating to see that which cannot be normally seen. Intentional recording of an experience makes me more present and focused in the moment despite the merciless passage of time.
I try my best not to justify my existence with how I will be perceived in the future; I instead draw my attention to where and when I am in the present. As I take a photo, I shall always remember that I also exist in the moment being captured. Wherever and whenever I go, there I am.
This realization came from a dream.
I was walking in the woods with my family at nighttime. They were jaded with the bonding activity, but I was enthralled with the sky that they could not see. I saw star clusters perfectly aligning to form a constellation, and it was all magnificently illuminated by a ginormous full moon. I grabbed my camera immediately; however, as soon as I took a snap, the sky suddenly became cloudy. I captured the moment, but I did not live it!
Click my pic below to return at the Scribbles main page. *lol, judged*
